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Secret Garden: Presidential Security Growing Marijuana in DC | Cannabis News

The indoor cannabis garden on located on J Street NW has some speculating that the Choom Gang has returned.

MJTEAMpatch(Satire) – On Wednesday April 1st several members of the US Secret Service, the agency tasked with security for the President of the United States, were found to be cultivating cannabis.

The small, indoor garden with six nearly mature plants was found in a Washington DC residence on J Street NW normally used for training.

Marijuana is now fully legal in Washington DC but there are no retail stores. Instead, residents of the District are allowed to grow marijuana plants, posses up to two ounces and give one ounce away to fellow residents.

After being rocked by several scandals involving alcohol, the agents could be making an individual choice to shift to something safer.

There is some speculation that it might be a personal stash for President Obama.

“At this time we have no evidence that the Choom Gang has reassembled, but we are not ruling out the possibility” said a White House official. They spoke on condition of anonymity because they can not comment on the ongoing investigation.

A local hydroponics supply shop allegedly received numerous visits from members of the Secret Service.

The first time the man and woman, both wearing black suits, didn’t buy anything but milled around the store looking nervous. Then, on more than seventeen subsequent visits, they became friendly with the staff and asked many questions.

“I mean you could like totally tell these guys were some sort of agent,” said store employee Starr Light, “They even had embroidered patches sewn on to their coats that had a bald eagle and some plants. I took a picture.”

The supposed agents purchased expensive lights, fans, flexible tubing, pots, a complex watering system, timers and books.

“They seemed like nice people, but they were total novices,” said Light.

All of the equipment appeared to be located in a large closet of the Secret Service training house. Because it complied with the local law, nothing was removed and no charges have been filed.

However, Michael Botticelli, the Director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (known as the Drug Czar) keeps a 24-karat gold weed-whacker in a glass case above his desk for marijuana plant eradication. Botticelli was seen walking up J Street with the device and a small fuel canister.

Another leak today may shift the focus away from Obama. It involved playlists on Vice President Joe Biden’s smartphone.

There were recent downloads of albums by Willie Nelson, Miley Cyrus, Bob Marley and Cypress Hill along with every single episode of the “Free Weed” podcast by High Times magazine cultivation editor Danny Danko. There was also a draft email asking to appear on the program “Getting Doug With High” featuring pot comedian Doug Benson.

There is a rich history of Presidents and First Ladies gardening at the White House. John and Abigail Adams grew vegetables. Thomas Jefferson cultivated fruit trees at the residence while cultivating hemp on his plantations. Eleanor Roosevelt set and example for the country with a Victory Garden during World War II. Potential presidential candidate, former First Lady and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was frequently among the soil. Current First Lady Michelle Obama expanded the garden in 2009 and has been a vocal proponent of home grown vegetables and healthy eating.

Adding cannabis to the mix of White House foliage is not allowed because marijuana remains in Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act and the residence is considered federal property.

Asked about the official looking patches and who might be the ultimate consumer of the cannabis one Secret Service agent, speaking off the record, said, “Biden likes to party. And he constantly sends us out for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream at 2AM. You do the math.”

Filed under SATIRE. Happy April 1st! 

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