12 Stoner Songs for the High Holidaze
For cannabis enthusiasts—especially in California, where 2018 will mark the legalization of “adult use” sales—who really want to celebrate the holiday season, “yule” get higher than a partridge in a pear tree listening to the following dozen seasonal tokin’ tunes.
1. DENT MAY: “I’LL BE STONED FOR CHRISTMAS”
L.A.-by-way-of Mississippi ukulele auteur Dent May evokes Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound with this poppy piano-driven ode to being home for the holidays. “So I’m trying to get lifted with you now/We broke into my cousin’s stash/We’re having a blast,” he sings “Got an angel on my treetop/And a devil on my mind/Have a smoke and pour a big shot/’Tis the season to be high.” Being the nice young man he is, Dent then apologizes to his mother.
2. ADAM SANDLER: “THE CHANUKAH SONG”
Originally written for Saturday Night Live in 1994, this has become Jewish stoners’ favorite holiday number (to go along with the “Dreidel” song). “So drink your gin and tonic-ah,” Sandler jokes. “And smoke your marijuana-kah.” His riotous roll call of famous members of the tribe includes “All three Stooges!”
3. WILLIE NELSON & STEPHEN COLBERT: “THE LITTLE DEALER BOY”
Let Willie Nelson (in an Arab keffiyeh) be your Santa Claus on this 2008 tune written for A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! He solemnly touts his gift to the baby Jesus, “a plant that smokes more sweetly than either frankincense or myrrh,” as Colbert deadpans like the choirboy he once was, “You’re really high/I’m going to tell your Savior,” and Nelson concludes, “And let not mankind bogart love.”
4. LOUIS ARMSTRONG: “CHRISTMAS NIGHT IN HARLEM”
The legendary “Muggles” stoner jazzman delivers this 1955 chestnut, written by Raymond Scott and Mitchell Parish, in his inimitable hoarse growl. “Everyone will be all lit up,” “Pops” sings, pausing just long enough to chuckle, “like a Christmas tree.” Makes you want to smoke the mistletoe.
5. MAJOR LAZER: “CHRISTMAS TREES”
Electronic music trio Major Lazer (Diplo and DJs Jillionaire and Walshy Fire) provides a Jamaican dancehall vibe for this 2016 track on which guest toaster Protojie raps: “What a merry Christmas would be/If mi get a ganja stalk/Fia Christmas tree/And New Year’s Eve/When them a count down/Me a count pounds/A the brown brown… Love it from the day/Mi Daddy show me marijuana.”
6. THALES THE MUSICIAN: “SANTA BROUGHT ME WEED FOR CHRISTMAS”
Thales the Musician’s A Very Green Christmas: The World’s First Cannabis Christmas, features this lilting, reggae-inflected song with the infectious chorus, “Santa brought me weed for Christmas/He took the tiniest little seed and turned it to a big, green leafy tree.” The album also includes “Let’s Smoke a Bowl This Christmas, My Friend,” “Feeding the Reindeer Magic Brownies,” “I Wish I Could Give The World a Spliff,” “O Dankest Weed” and “Silent Vape, Holy Vape.”
7. SNOOP DOGG: “‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS”
The artist formerly known as Calvin Broadus predictably rhymes “big dick” with “We was hoping to get some of that good shit from old jolly Saint Nick” in this 2012 holiday classic. “Yo Santa whussup?/Did you bring me some chronic/And Tanqueray gin I can mix with my tonic?” Who needs egg nog when you’ve got Snoop Dogg?
8. NELLIE MCKAY: “WEED (ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS)”
The noted chanteuse dons a green marijuana-leaf suit and hits the streets of New York City in this 2015 plea for legalization with the mid-song protest rap, “Fuck the rigged vote-flippin’ and the prohibition/Schedule I has got to go.”
9. AFROMAN: “O CHRONIC TREE”
The comic rapper who was ready to storm the world with his pro-pot anthem, “Because I Got High,” before 9/11 got in the way offered this acoustic goof on his 2006 holiday album, A Colt 45 Christmas. “From Amsterdam to the CPC,” Afroman rhymes. “Can’t wait to pick yo’ stems and seeds.”
10. MC FLOW: “POT IN THE LATKES”
Comic rapper Abby Dorsey gets “sucked into a Hanukkah cannabis trance,” and battles being a Jew at Christmastime with a dollop of “Hava Nagila” and a round of infused potato pancakes.
11. THE KILLIN TIME BAND: “GREEN CHRISTMAS”
A lilting ska beat underlines this paean to pot from “Canada’s best party band,” featuring JibJab-ish dancing elves, steel drums and a legalization plea with the singalong refrain, “All I want is some real good weed,” punctuated with bubbling bong hits.
12. SMOOCH McGEE: “CHRISTMAS TIME IN BOULDER”
Colorado crooner Smooch McGee and Perfectly Whelmed celebrated the state’s legalization initiative during the holidays of 2014 by admitting, “We’re getting pretty wasted,” over a perfectly pleasant acoustic guitar. “Do you remember the other Decembers/We could’ve been busted for this/We’re feeling regal/Now that it’s legal/Come share our infinite bliss.”
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